


Keep Her Close

by Inthelittledoctor



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Accidental Love, Cuddling, F/M, Fluff, The Time Traveller's Wife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 10:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6075987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inthelittledoctor/pseuds/Inthelittledoctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When everything's collapsing, she's there by his side, reassuring him, telling him it will be alright. And he hates himself for falling in love with her, he really does. But how could he not?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Her Close

Was it possible to feel regret for falling in love with someone? Because if so, that's what was happening to him right now. He honestly hadn't meant to, it truly had been a mistake, yet it had still happened. Maybe it was the way she looked with cheeks flushed from laughing as the wind blew through her hair that made him fall for her, or maybe even the way she laughed. There were a thousand possibilities that could have caused it, although part of him suspected that it wasn't just one thing about her, but everything about her. Gods, he didn't want this. Why had this happened? One day everything had been completely fine and the next he couldn't bare to be without her. Her touch would be like fire and her gaze would melt him, her voice sending a feeling of what he dared to call comfort through him. 

How long has this been going on, you may wonder. It's been going on for as long as he knows, and he doesn't quite know a day when he didn't feel like this towards her. And it was torture. Everyday with her trying to hold himself back from touching her, from kissing her, from telling her he loves her. Every time she left him after an adventure, telling himself he can't just jump to the next day he wants to see her, only to have a breakdown because she's not around and immediately go to see her. Why why why. So many whys. Why her? Why now? Why didn't it stop? He wanted it to stop so badly, but yet at the same time, he never wanted it to stop. Loving her made him feel alive, it made him feel happier than he'd been in a long time and he didn't want it to end. Yet he was terrified. She'd be gone one day, so why even love her? The answer was obvious, and it was that he couldn't quite stop himself from falling in love. 

And so here he finds himself, staring at her across the console, listening to her talk about some novel she was in the middle of reading, though if you asked him later to summarise it, he'd have no clue what to say, because he wasn't exactly listening to her words, but her voice. That was normal right? He refused to believe it wasn't because it'd only be further proof that he was in love with her. Somehow she'd ended up grinning at him after her rant and he smiled back at her because if she was happy, he was happy. Although apparently they were having a conversation and this wasn't just a one sided thing because she's saying,'So?' As if she had just asked him a question. He's completely lost now and calculates the chances of her question being a yes or no question, deciding it was best he just answer with yes because that can also answer actual questions. And his yes answer is baffling her and her expression is giving away her bafflement, causing him to panic and blurt out,'The Time Traveller's Wife, I meant.'

Gods, he really hopes she was asking him a book related question because if not, he was completely screwed. A smile is breaking out on her lips and he knows that that was an acceptable answer, causing a smile to grace his lips once again. 'Never actually read it,' she's saying,'Guess I have to now seeing as though it's the best book you've read in the while.'

Was that the question she asked him? What the best book he'd read in a while is? Well that was stupid. Not saying that she was stupid, no, just her question. Although he was quite fond of The Time Traveller's Wife, he would never willingly admit to it being one of his favourite books. Because that would be just completely ironic, wouldn't it? A time traveller loving a book about a time traveller. 

'You can borrow my copy if you want,' the words are slipping out of his mouth before he realises it and he's really hoping he can take that back because he does most certainly not want her flipping through his copy of the book where there were notes in the margin where he compared her to Clare. Granted, he would much rather give that copy to her than the one that was buried under his mattress, due to the fact that in the copy under his bed, River had written some very not appropriate things in the margin whenever there was even the slightest bit of innuendo in the novel. Nope, definitely not giving her that copy. And then there's her voice, the one he loves so much, yet hates himself for loving, informing him that she would very much like to borrow his copy and the only coherent thought he's able to form is that he's going to need a ridiculous amount of whiteout. Then it's silent and oh God, when did she get so close to him? Was it even legal for her to look at him like that? He's sure her gaze could outmatch even the hottest of stars. There's a thank you coming out of her mouth at some point, but he's honestly lost track of time because he's trying so hard to control his hearts and not just reach out and touch her. Her lips looking just as endearing as he eyes at the moment and if he didn't get away from her soon, he's sure he'd going to do something she will very much would not like. 

Okay. Well. That was her hand in his. He may as well write his will now because he's not going to make it out of this alive. 'I'm going to go start reading in the library. I'd like it if you'd join me.'

The only thing he can do is say okay and have his voice crack in the process, and once her hand is leaving his, he's feeling empty, and for some reason, heavier. Like his whole body could fall to the ground at any moment. This was not normal whatsoever. He's making a mental note to check this out later because right now his mind is stuck on Clara Oswald and he'd rather not think about anything else. Maybe he should get a new hobby, he's thinking, because thinking about her constantly was bound to not be healthy. He's hearing a giggle from behind him and turning his head to see her flipping through the book, a blush immediately rising to his cheeks. He's flapping his hand in the direction of the library and ordering,'Library. Go. I'll be there in a minute.'

With one final snort, she closing the book and skipping off to the library, leaving him in the console room a mess. Why did it have to be her? Couldn't he have just fallen for some daft alien while they were on an adventure and just visit them from time to time? Why did it have to be someone he was so close to? Kind of stating the obvious there, his minds telling him, to which he hits his forehead with his palm, telling his mind to shut up. She doesn't feel the same way. Why would she? Always with the why questions, the unanswerable ones that kept him awake. The ones that he tries his hardest to run from, but yet still can't manage to escape. This shouldn't be as hard as it is. Why couldn't it just be easy to be in love? Why did it have to be a constant struggle? And it's at this moment that he's realising that his face is burning and his eyes sting. His hands cling onto the console as if it's the only thing keeping him grounded, even though he knows it's not. Because he's not grounded. Far from it. 

And as if hearing his silent cry for help, she's in the console room, rushing to his side, her small hands placing themselves delicately on his arm, trying not to make the situation worse. She knows him too well. 'Are you alright?' 

Grip loosening on the console, he's nodding, letting his head bow and a bitter smile creep on to his lips. Always her. In the moments he was too lost to even begin to fix himself. In the moments when he'd felt like the world was ending. When everything bubbled up inside of him and all he wanted to do was scream until he couldn't, until his throat was too soar, voice too raw. She was always there, by his side, there to help him through whatever exactly was going on. Though, most of the time the things she helped him through actually started with thoughts of her, but it's not like he was going to tell her that anytime soon. Her hand is gently prying his from the console now and her fingers are entwining with his, a sad smile being given to him. 

'C'mon, let's go to the library. I know that always cheers you up.' She's whispering, tugging his hand gently to get him to follow her to the library. Reciting his will in his head, he's following her obediently to the library, his hand leaving hers as he goes to sit in a chair not much different than the one in the console room. Which of course, earns some bickering from her because he is most certainly not sitting in a secluded seat while he needed cheering up. He really wishes he didn't have to follow her ever command, but it seems that this regeneration is incapable of doing anything but following her orders. He's standing up and walking the few steps it takes to get to the couch, collapsing on it when he gets there. And oh. It seems as though she has decided to sit frustratingly close to him. Well, this was going brilliantly. 

'What am I supposed to do?' He's questioning, staring expectantly down at her with the book in her lap. Delicately, she's picking up the book and handing it to him, giving him a small smile. 

'Read to me?' It's coming out more like a command than a question, and it's at this point he really wishes that he didn't feel the way he did about her. Why couldn't she just be like any other companion he'd had? Grumpily, he's taking the book from her and opening to the first page, scanning the page to see if he'd written on it, and to his surprise, the only marking on the page is a line under a phrase. 

_'Why is love intensified by absence?'_

Taking a deep breath out, he's beginning to read, voice deep, Scottish lilt more prominent than usual. A paragraph in, and her head's on his shoulder, and how he manages to keep reading is a miracle. Another paragraph. More touching. This time her arms wrapping around him, head nuzzling his shoulder. He can't take much more of this. He really can't. It feels like his hearts are going to jump out of his chest and he's sure that they will eventually if he doesn't distance himself from her soon. He's hearing his name and looking down at her, raising an eyebrow. 

'You stopped reading,' she's saying, knowing he wasn't aware of the fact that he had done so. 

'Sorry,' he's mumbling, going to look back at the page, only to have and arm leave him so she could place her hand on his cheek and gently turn his head towards her. 

'Are you alright?' She's questioning, voice filled with concern. If he thought the look earlier should've been illegal, then this one should've been outlawed. There was really nothing he could do to stop himself from doing what happened next. He's placing the book on the couch next to him, placing his hand over hers and leaning into her touch. 

'Okay, this isn't you. What's wrong?' She's asking, thumb beginning to stroke his cheek. 

'Nothing,' he's lying, but really, was there anything wrong? He was in love with her, and it felt amazing. But at the same time, it felt like he was dying, not being able to kiss her, tell her he loves her. 

He's taking her hand off his cheek and entwining his fingers with hers, placing their linked hands on his knee. She's leaning up and placing a kiss on the corner of his lips, resting her head back on his shoulder afterwards. She's acting like it didn't affect her at all and he thinks may potentially implode at the moment. Okay. So she didn't return his feelings. That was obvious. And he swears that if he could stop this feeling his would, but alas, he can't. So he's sitting there, suffering with her body against his, wishing that he was in some screwed up universe where she love him back. Imagine that, Clara Oswald loving the daft two thousand year old Time Lord back. What a joke. Then he's feeling a hand on his chest and looking down at her, seeing her staring up at him. If there was ever a time to regret loving her, it would be now. He wishes she would stop. He's getting some very mixed signals at the moment. Then she's leaning up and everything's going in slow motion. Her eyes closing, her nose grazing his, her breath on his lips, her tongue swiping across her lips, hand gripping his shirt ever so lightly. Then her lips on his, like a fire that burns through him, making every part of him burn with love. 

He's not quite sure when his hand got buried in her hair, or when his tongue slipped hungrily into her mouth. All he knew was that he was kissing her and she was kissing him and everything was pure bliss. Her lips were so soft, her smell intoxicating so close. She tastes like flowers and tea, and a certain taste that he can only describe as her. He never wants this to end. But at some point she pulls away, her breath heavy, and all he can really hear is his hearts beating. Her hand is squeezing his. Does that mean that what they did was okay? Does that mean she wants to do it again? Is she just trying to reassure him? He has no clue. His hand's still in her hair. He should probably move it, but he doesn't quite want to. She's still staring up at him. Is this good or bad? Why was everything so confusing when it came to her?

Her breathing was back to normal. Maybe she had her thoughts together now. If she did, then he wouldn't know, because she didn't exactly seen very keen on sharing those thoughts. With a sigh, she's resting her head on his shoulder and he's resting his head on hers, holding her hand tighter. He couldn't always be scared of falling in love. It was normal. And at the moment, for once, he wasn't scared of loving her, but actually content with loving her. Closing his eyes, he's smiling and little does he know, but she's smiling too. 

He was perfectly fine with loving her, all regret gone for the moment. And he honestly never wanted anything to change.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I would appreciate if you left me some prompts in the comments. Kudos if you enjoyed and comments are always appreciated.


End file.
